I have done something unholy.
But my laptop is now cooler than it's ever been in its life
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These images have the same temperature scale.
... the hotspot from before is downright frigid
-
before

-
after

I checked again after letting it flush the existing heat out of the panel.
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40C to 80C after letting it vibe
- the lower section, where the hotspot before was

- the upper section, where the CPU is

Behold, my child
I had to add a zip-tie over the cooler after this, because it kept popping off.

What did all this nonsense accomplish?
The CPU went from constantly being being throttled by temperature, to now being merely limited by the power design specs for the laptop.
| Stat | Before | After |
|---|---|---|
| Baseline Temperature | ~70°C | ~35°C |
| Gaming Temperature | ~85°C | ~70°C |
| Peak temperature | ~96°C | ~70°C |